I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea – and proud of it, thankyouverymuch!  I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful </a></b></a>ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of </a></b></a>missthingsplace THANK YOU!

Monday 18th August
06:01

“There’s nothing here,” Buffy announced, wandering into the kitchen from a residential garden, carrying a metal detector. “I don’t know what Tosh detected but there’s nothing here.”

Owen turned from inside the kitchen, where he had been interrogating a little old lady and had just given her RetCon.  “Great,” he grumbled. “Get me up at half four in the morning for what? Nothing.”

 “I wasn’t the one that got you up,” Buffy pointed out, poking him with the metal detector.

 “Ow! No, but … well … eh.” Owen stopped. “Still going to blame you.”

 “But of course.”  Buffy threw the metal detector at Owen and picked the old lady up in her arms. “Why do I always carry the old folks?”

 “Because you’re strong,” Owen informed her.

 “I’m a Slayer, not a bipedal taxi service,” Buffy muttered, walking through to the bedroom and laying the old lady down on her bed. “Sleep well,” she said, gently. She turned from the bed and walked back through to the kitchen, picking up her things, leaving Owen to carry the metal detector. “This wasn’t some elaborate hoax to get me out of the hub was it?” she enquired as they headed for the front door.

Owen shrugged. “If it was, I wasn’t in on it. I swear.”

Buffy laughed. “Never said you were.”

Owen opened the SUV trunk and they put the equipment in with a loud clatter. “I hate early-morning alien goose chases.”

 “Better than an early-morning alien chase,” Buffy said.

 “Nah,” Owen muttered, “at least a chase gets the blood pumping, wakes you up.”

 “Coffee wakes you up, too,” Buffy said, stifling a yawn.

 “It does indeed. Ianto’s or Starbucks?” Owen asked, climbing into the SUV driver seat as Buffy did the same in the passenger side.

 “Don’t think I’d make it back to the hub awake,” Buffy said. “Starbucks.”

Owen nodded and started the car.  Ten minutes later they climbed back into the SUV with a polystyrene mug of coffee each. “Look on the bright side,” Owen suggested. “At least it’s warm out. We could be freezing our arses off if it was winter.”

 “Oh yay,” Buffy said, deadpan.

Owen glared at her. “Aw, come on,” he said, prodding her arm with his finger, “bright side, Buff!”

Buffy sighed. “Bright side, yeah.”  She sipped her coffee, the hot liquid burning her mouth as her phone chirped. She reached into her bag and pulled it out, checking the screen.

Eh sorry … false alarm it seems. Go home, get more sleep.  Come in lunchtime.  Bye.

Buffy glared at the screen and showed it to Owen.  Owen glared too. “I want to kick his ass,” Buffy said, “lets go to the hub.”

Owen chuckled. “This I gotta see,” he said, with a grin, starting the car.

06:41

The cog door slid to one side and Buffy stormed through.  She could see shapes in the conference room and, without any hesitation, headed straight up there, her shoes clanking against the metal of the stairs. “Buffy!” Willow exclaimed, seeing her from down below.

 “He in here?” Buffy asked, pausing and pointing at the conference room.

Willow nodded mutely and turned to Owen. “She was supposed to go home,” she hissed.

Buffy stepped up the next step but missed; her foot flew from under her and sent her backwards down the steps.  What should have happened next was that Buffy would fall, probably crack her head on the steps on the way down and be seriously injured, if not killed. 

But it didn’t happen.  Instead, two strong arms caught her, quickly, one hand finding itself at the small of her back and one between her shoulder blades.  Her eyes were pressed shut, waiting for the impact she expected to follow, but, of course, one never came.

She opened her eyes and instantly wished she hadn’t.

 “Angel.” The word was merely a breath, but he heard it as he lifted her up and moved her round to place her, gently, on safe ground, her back facing the conference room.

 “Buffy?” he said, obviously shocked to see her.

 “Oh god.” She backed into the conference room and into Jack. She spun round to face the older man. “You should have warned me … oh god…” Jack reached out and pulled her in for a hug. She buried her face in his chest, trying to calm her breathing and heartbeat.  She knew Angel could hear both; her physical reaction to his presence.

Jack looked over Buffy’s head at Angel, who was looking hurt and confused.  He gave him a discrete look that read ‘things have changed’. Angel looked helplessly around then walked across to the conference table, sitting down and staring at his mug of blood.  Suddenly it was less appealing.

Buffy pulled herself free of Jack’s arms and plastered a determined smile on her face.  She walked across and sat opposite her old love. “How …” She swallowed. “How are you?”

Angel met her gaze, his eyes smouldering. “I’m okay,” he said. “You look … different.”

 “I grew up,” Buffy replied.

Angel tilted his head to one side and gazed at her, making her squirm in her feet. “How long has it been?” he asked. “For you, I mean?”

 “Almost four years,” Buffy told him.

Angel nodded. “What have I missed?” he asked.

Sighing, Buffy said, “My mom died …”

“I’m sorry,” Angel said, gently.

 “I have a sister now.”

 “How old?”

 “Fifteen … long story.” Buffy rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “And I died.” She decided to not drop the ‘I’m living with Spike’ bombshell on him just yet.

 “You look good for it,” Angel pointed out.

 “I came back.”

 “I guessed.  What … what happened?”

Buffy grimaced. “It’s a long story and involves Dawn.”

 “Dawn?”

 “My sister.”

 “Oh.” Angel raised an eyebrow. “You know you don’t have a sister, right?”

 “Yeah,” Buffy replied. “Like I say; long story.”

 “Can I meet her?”

 “She’s still in our universe,” Buffy said. “I miss her.”

Angel nodded and stared at her again. “You grew your hair,” he said, quietly.

She touched her hair, self-consciously. “What of it?”

 “It suits you,” Angel said, with a smile.

 “Thanks,” Buffy replied, meeting his eyes.  The intensity and love shining from them was so familiar.  She jumped up. “I can’t do this,” she said as the alarms sounded, alerting the group to someone’s arrival in the hub. “I just can’t. I’m sorry.”  She turned from the table and left through the door, running down the steps noisily and elbowing past Jack as she flew towards the cog door and ran into Owen.

 “Whoa!” he exclaimed, holding her tight to avoid her running away. “What’s wrong?”

 “Everything,” she told him, blinking tears away.

 “Come on,” Owen said, putting his arm round her and leading her towards his private domain; the infirmary off the vaults.   Once inside and alone, he sat her on one of the trolleys and sat opposite her on another. “Want to tell me what’s going on?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No.”

Owen sighed and leant across, resting his hand on her knee and looking into her face. “Is it something to do with tall, dark and broody?” he asked.

Buffy nodded.

 “So what is it with you and Angel?  One minute you’re defending him with your hand to Jack’s throat, then you’re refusing to be near him … now … I don’t even know what now.” Owen looked confused.

 “Didn’t Willow tell you?” Buffy asked. He shook his head. “We were in love for a very long time … then I … we … something happened that gave him one moment of true happiness and he lost his soul and started victimising me and my friends.”

 “Ouch,” Owen said.

 “He got this portal thing” – she gestured wildly – “that would open and suck the world into Hell.”

 “Hell?”

 “Flames, fire, endless torture …”

 “Oh, this isn’t a metaphor then?”

 “No.”  Buffy sighed. “Not a metaphor.  I had to kill him to protect the world.” She looked up at him. “Willow gave him back his soul just as I was about to kill him.”

Owen gaped. “So you …”

 “Stabbed him and sent him into Hell.”

 “So that’s how he’s like this.” He made a ‘huh!’ sound. “Not many girls actually achieve sending their boyfriends to Hell when they want to.” He looked mildly impressed.

 “I didn’t want to,” Buffy snapped. “It almost killed me.”

Owen hopped off his trolley and sat down on hers next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders, ignoring the voice in his head telling him he was becoming soft. “But he was okay, right?”

Buffy nodded. “But that’s not the problem.”

“What’s the problem?”

 “We tried to avoid each other.  While he was getting stronger, I looked after him. I dated another guy, but it didn’t work out … and …” She swallowed. “No matter what we did, Angel and I were drawn to each other.  We ended up together again but …”

 “But this time you have Spike and you don’t want the same to happen again.”

Buffy locked her eyes with Owen’s. “It won’t,” she said, firmly. “I love Spike …

Owen smiled. “So why are you so worried?”

 “Because I love Angel, too. I will always love Angel … and I don’t want to hurt him.”

 “Sometimes you have to do what you want.”

 “Now all I need is for Riley to come sailing through that rift and my life would be complete,” Buffy said, exasperatedly.

 “Who’s Riley?”

Buffy pulled a face. “Don’t ask.”

 “Okay,” Owen said, extending the ‘o’ into an ‘oo’.   He squeezed her shoulders, pulling her closer to his chest.  She wrapped an arm around him and sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder.

She wondered, for a minute, when she had become so comfortable with the man she’d threatened to kill when she’d first arrived and had disliked for a long time.

 “Why can’t life be simple?” she asked.

 “If life was simple it would be very boring,” Owen replied.

Buffy looked up at him, curiously. “That was very smart,” she pointed out.  She pulled back from him. “You are Owen, right?”

Owen snorted. “Cheeky.”

Buffy smiled and stood up.  “Thanks for cheering me up,” she said.  She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, checking the time. “I’m going home,” she announced. “I need to be near Spike before we have to cope with tonight.” She pulled a face. “I need to be here when he comes in.”

 “Why?” Owen asked.

 “Because ...” Buffy sighed. “Because if I’m not one of them will end up dusty.” She looked at Owen. “And I couldn’t cope with losing either of them.”

She walked out of the vaults, leaving Owen alone.  He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles.  He really was getting soft and it was all thanks to her.  He groaned and ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it somewhat.  He wondered what it was about that girl that made two vampires want to fight over her.

And why he would fight for her, too.

He sighed deeply, stood up, and walked off.

09:39

The train pulled into the station and Jack grinned at Ianto standing next to him.

 “I still don’t know why you dragged me down here,” Ianto muttered, annoyed. “It’s just a train station, and I had paperwork to do.”

Jack glowered darkly at him. “I don’t like train stations,” he stated, blandly. “Wanted company while I waited for the train.”

 “Why don’t you?” Ianto asked, quizzically.

 “They’re so rickety.” Jack shuddered. “I know I can’t die but they’re still ... not nice.”

Ianto glanced at the train then back at Jack.  He pointed at it. “You think that is rickety?” he enquired.

 “It is compared to what I’m used to,” Jack retorted. “Ah – here we are!” he said, happily, as the doors swished open and people started climbing out.  He honed in on Martha, who was lugging several large suitcases behind her. He ran over to her, Ianto following slowly after an eye roll, and hugged her tight, causing her to drop the suitcase on Jack’s foot.

Jack bit his lip. “Ow,” he muttered.

Martha grinned at him. “Wuss,” she accused, picking the suitcase up and walking over to give Ianto a one-armed hug. 

Ianto smiled at her. “Did I say thank you?” he asked.

 “For?”

 “Bullying Jack into telling me about last week,” Ianto informed her.

Martha smiled at Jack’s face.  “You’re welcome,” she said. “He needs to learn to lean on you a bit.”

Jack rolled his eyes in a way that resembled Ianto.  Martha smirked to herself – they couldn’t be any cuter if they were wearing matching clothes.

 “Let me just say,” Jack said, eager to change the subject, taking the heavier bag from Martha. “About time! I thought you were never going to get here.”

 “I had to call in a favour to get here!” Martha replied. “Well ... actually I blackmailed my superior, but that’s not the point.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “You blackmailed a superior?”

 “Long story. Wasn’t anything bad.  The Doctor would approve.”

Jack’s eyebrows ended up in his hairline. “Oh really?”

Martha shrugged. “He’s not above blackmailing pompous U.N.I.T. officers, himself.”

Jack chuckled. “I gather he wasn’t pleased though; your superior.”

 “What makes you say that?” Martha enquired.

 “You came up on the train,” Jack stated, offering Martha his arm.

Ianto picked up her other suitcase and did the same. Martha smiled and looped her right arm through Jack’s left and her left through Ianto’s right as they began walking towards the exit.  “It was either that or Colonel Boring drives me up here.”

Jack pulled a face. “You mean Colonel Jameson, right?” He shuddered. “That man could bore the head off an Arkan.”

 “Me and him in a car for two and a half hours.  I think I would have killed myself,” Martha stated.

Jack laughed. “I did!  It was me and him in a hotel room” – he shot a glance at Ianto – “not like that ...” – he looked back at Martha – “for a whole night.  I killed myself. Twice.”

Martha raised an eyebrow. “Did it help?”

 “Made the night pass quicker.” Jack shrugged. 

Ianto glared at him.  He never liked hearing about Jack’s deaths – or witnessing them, for that matter. Jack sent him a sheepish grin and he rolled his eyes as they climbed into the SUV having put the suitcases in the trunk.

 “Oh, it feels good to finally be in Cardiff again,” Martha said, as she slammed the back door and put on her seatbelt. “Thought I’d never be allowed to come back.”

Jack smirked as he started the SUV. “I would have made sure of it,” he promised. “Oh, we have a new arrival, by the way.”

“Another one?” Martha enquired.

 “Yep. And this one is complicated,” Ianto informed her. “Name’s Angel ... vampire.”

 “Another vampire?”

 “Yup.”

Martha pulled a face. “Good one like Spike?”

 “No ... different. This one has a soul ... and is one of Buffy’s exes.”

Martha’s eyes widened. “Wow ... She really has a thing for vampires, doesn’t she?”

Jack and Ianto grinned at the same time.  “So, do you have somewhere to live?” Jack asked. “Because if you don’t you could always ...”

 “Jack,” Ianto warned.

 “What? I was just going to say she could stay with us,” Jack said.

Martha’s face broke out in a huge smile. “Us? You two are living together?” She leaned forward and hit Jack on the arm from behind.  “You never tell me anything!”

Jack looked in the rear-view mirror at her, sheepishly. “Sorry,” he muttered.

 “Yes, I have somewhere to live. I’m renting a small house,” she said.

 “That’s good,” Ianto said. “Where about?”

 “Not far from the hub,” Martha replied.

10:34

 “I knew this would happen,” Willow said, with a sigh, leaning against Toshiko’s desk. 

Tosh looked up at her.  “Knew what would happen?”

 “Angel and Buffy ... I knew it would cause problems,” Willow replied.

 “Why?”

 “Because of everything that happened.”  Willow flicked her hand and floated a pencil around her head, idly. “I hate to think what’ll happen when Spike comes in.”

 “I imagine Buffy is thinking the same,” Tosh said, moving round to be stood face-to-face with her partner, sliding her leg between Willow’s and putting her hands on her waist. “You shouldn’t worry. Buffy will cope.”

Willow leaned forwards and kissed Tosh softly. “I know... but we’ve faced so many apocalypses ... but the one thing that destroys her every time is Angel and it’s worrying me ... and it would be all my fault if everything went wrong again because I was the one that told Jack not to just stake him there and ...”

She was silenced by a forceful kiss, which she leant into, wrapping her arms around Tosh and letting her tongue slide into the Japanese woman’s mouth.  She let out a little whimper when Tosh pulled back, resting her forehead against Willow’s.

 “Don't beat yourself up about it,” Tosh begged. “If something bad happens then something bad happens. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

 “It’s at times like this I wish I could see the future,” Willow said, with a sigh.

 “Trust me; seeing the future doesn’t help.” Tosh leant in and kissed her again, running her hands through Willow’s red hair.  She pulled back a moment later, turning her head to glare at Owen, who was stood nearby gaping at them. “Yes?” she said.

Owen snapped his jaw shut. “Uh ...” He swallowed. “Uh ... yeah ...” He turned and walked off, leaving Willow and Tosh to giggle.

 “What’s going on with the school, by the way?” Willow asked, after a moment.

 “The school?” Tosh asked, quizzically.  “Oh! Your school ...” She moved from Willow and turned to her computer screens. “There’s mild rift activity constantly,” she informed her. “It’s as though there is something there that’s existing in both your world and ours.” She tapped a few buttons. “We’ve set up a constant CCTV surveillance system around the building and we’re monitoring those who came through.” She looked round. “Let’s hope none of them were your ancestors, because they’re stuck here.” She loaded up the cameras.

 “Oh my god!” Willow exclaimed. 

 “That wasn’t like that last time I looked,” Tosh said, staring at the screen.  “Fetch Jack and Buffy.  Now!”

Willow nodded and fled, leaving Tosh to stare at the monitor alone and send out a city-wide alert that that part of the town was under quarantine.

 “This is not good...”

Next.