Soph (bassair) wrote,

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FIC: Joke

Title: Joke
Fandom:  Torchwood
Prompt: #21 Parents
Claim: Jack/Ianto
Warning:  Some bullying of poor Ianto (in a good way, honest.) And some anti-Mickey and pro-Gwen (weird, that.)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I truly do not own it. As much as I’d like to.
Summary:  It isn’t a joke. (Set after DW: Journey’s End). Follows on from “Misunderstanding” and "Announcement" but can be read as a standalone piece.
skullgirl013 – thank you! :]

Link to my prompt table.

Author’s Note: Although this is set after Misunderstanding (with the proposal) and announcement (with the ... uh ... announcement) and they are already married I will, when I find a plot bunny, write their wedding fic to slot in the middle.    Enjoy!



“Parents?! What the hell do you mean parents?” Ianto screeched.  He sounded an awful lot like Gwen, which worried Jack immensely.  Ianto only sounded like Gwen when he was angry or scared of something trivial.  Not that this was trivial.  This was anything but trivial.

 “You heard me. Parents,” Jack responded, in his most calming voice.

 “Don't you use that tone with me!” Ianto yelled. “You just dropped this on me and you expect me to be calm?”

 “I never said that,” Jack said, deadpan.

 “It’s in your tone, Jack. That’s the whole point.  That’s the tone you use on Gwen when she’s angry about something. You use it a lot.”

Jack couldn’t help but smirk at that.  He swivelled around in his desk chair and leant on the desk, resting his chin on his finger tips. “So, what do you say?”

 “Jack ... me and parents ... we don’t mix,” Ianto said, with a sigh.

 “Nonsense!” Jack exclaimed. “I know you well enough by now to know that’s not true.”

 “I don’t even like the word, Jack!”

Jack rolled his eyes, something he’d picked up from over-exposure to Ianto.  “I like it. You say it in a very sexy way.”

Ianto glared at him. “Now is not the time for flirting.”

 “I’m not flirting. I’m being truthful.”

Ianto continued glowering. “Jack ... this isn’t a joke, right?  Because if it is, it’s not funny.”

 “Nope. I want to do this.”

 “Not like we have a choice,” Ianto mumbled.

 “Ianto...” Jack stood up, walking around to put his hand on Ianto’s shoulder for comfort. “You have a choice.”

 “But ...”

 “Look at me.” Jack tilted Ianto’s chin up so their eyes met. “You always have a choice.  About everything. About me, our relationship and about parents. You will always have a choice.”

Ianto swallowed. “Thanks,” he said.

 “Now, are we going to talk this out or ...?”

Ianto sighed. “I just need time to think about it.”

Nodding, Jack said, “Would you like me to leave you alone tonight?”

Ianto laughed. “Contrary to popular belief, I can think while you are around.”  Ianto stood up from where he’d been leaning against the desk. “However, I am going to retreat into the archives for a while.” He leant in and kissed Jack, softly, before leaving the office.

Jack groaned, and leant against the desk in the spot Ianto had previously occupied, pinching the bridge of his nose.  The sound of shoes against metal signalled Gwen’s arrival. “You did the right thing.”

Jack glared at her. “He’s too young,” he said. “Hell, I’m too young.”

 “Not arguing with you there,” Gwen said. “We’re all too young ... but it’s happened.”

 “Why didn’t you just let me get the Doctor to take me away for a while?”

 “Because I knew what would happen.” Gwen smiled softly. “He’d never forgive you, and you’d always regret it.  Plus, you’d never come back.”

Jack looked at her sharply.

 “Could you really leave?”

 “You’re too smart,” Jack said, irritably. “But I could still lose him over this.”

Gwen snorted. “You’re joking, right?  If you don’t know him well enough to know that he won’t leave over this ... in fact, he’ll meet it head on, grow because of it and love you more because of it ... then you shouldn’t be married to him.”

Jack gaped at her.

 “Just my opinion.”

 “How do you know so much about Ianto?” Jack enquired, cautiously.

 “I observe, I listen and I pay attention,” Gwen replied. “Like I know that you don’t really think Ianto will leave you, you’re just projecting your fear of what’s coming onto him. And if you dare make a crack about the word ‘coming’ I will kill you.”

Jack smirked at that, but only for a moment. “You’re a lot more perceptive than I give you credit for,” he said.

Gwen smiled, and was about to say something that would return her to her usual irritating self when she heard Ianto approaching. “I’ll leave you to it,” she said, leaving the office and walking past Ianto with a smile.

 “That was quick,” Jack said, as Ianto approached. “What happened to ‘thinking’ and ‘retreating into the archives’?”

Ianto rolled his eyes. “Quick fire questions ...” he said. “Are you teasing me?”


 “Are you being completely serious about me having a choice?”

Jack swallowed. “Yes.”

 “If I chose no ... what would you do?”

 “Go away with the Doctor and come back one day later on.”

 “Do you think I’ll choose no?”


Ianto smiled. “Glad you know me well enough to know that.  Are you really pregnant?”


 “Wow ...” Ianto closed his eyes for a moment. “Are you sure you want to be parents?”


Smiling more, Ianto said, “Me too.”

Jack let out the breath he’d been holding before he could suffocate. “Really?”

 “Yeah ... we’re married and, after all, you’re the only one I’d ever want kids with and it’s happened and ... I couldn’t be happier.  Although, I’m still adjusting to the you-being-pregnant aspect of it ...”

Jack grinned. “I would say ‘me too’, but I’ve been through this before.”

 “Better you than me,” Ianto said, smirking.

Jack smiled. “So you’re really okay with this?”

Smiling back, Ianto said, “Yes. Does Martha know?”

 “Yep.  She was the one that told me I was pregnant.  And she did an ultrasound.”

 “Did you find out the sex?” Ianto asked, cautiously.

 “Yes,” Jack replied. “Want to know?”

Ianto nodded, silently, unable to decide whether to hug his husband or not.

 “It’s a boy.”


On the other side of the hub, Gwen, Martha and Mickey heard a shout of glee, followed by another shout of glee and the sound of Jack’s desk breaking in two.

 “I gather he told him,” Mickey said, deadpan.

 “He did,” Martha said.

 “I assume Ianto decided he wanted to be a dad,” Gwen said.

 “Sounds like it!” Martha said, resisting the urge to run up there and congratulate them (if she knew Jack and Ianto like she thought she did, they were probably both naked on top of the broken desk).

 “Weird place, this,” Mickey said, running a hand over his head. “Do all your men either die, become gay or have the ability to get pregnant?”

Gwen grinned. “Yep,” she said, hitting him on the arm. “You don’t have anything to worry about, though.”

Mickey let the implications of that statement sink in before shouting, “Hey!”



Tags: fandom: torchwood, fanfic, fanfic:oneshot, fanfic:pg, fanfic:prompt
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